we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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