I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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