I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
