I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There r osticjed everywhere
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
