I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
