Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
