Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
