adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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