My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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