i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
