You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
