I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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