I'm jealous of your bromance
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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