If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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