i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So vagazzling was a success
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
