dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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