I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
