I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
