Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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