***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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