I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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