we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
