I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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