shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
