i don't plan on having that self control this summer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this is an emotional support booty call
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
