Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
