watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
