Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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