Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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