I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
