your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
