I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize