i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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