My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A+ Viking dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
