I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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