Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
