y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
