Moan for me like Helen Keller
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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