This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
