I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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