remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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