He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
