she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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