i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
