I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
