when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
