I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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