I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
