threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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