remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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