In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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