Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
