Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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