i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
