i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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