bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
