The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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