are you still at the devil's house?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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