Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
