yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
