I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
