I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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