Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
