I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
