You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
