Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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