Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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