im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
