Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
