is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
