Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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