so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
