ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
