Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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