omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
