i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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