you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I just sharted jello shots
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
