Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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