Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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